Difficult Times and Facebook

Charles Shanks: 3rd July 1982 to 16th November 2011.

The last week has been a strange and difficult one. A close friend of Phil's - Charles (Bub) Shanks - passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday 16th November under terrible circumstances. Certainly for Phil and I it came as a shock. I loved the close relationship that he and Phil had and every time I saw him he had a grin on his face. He had an infectious laugh that filled any room. He was the instigator of the infamous "Rum Challenge" at the Notting Hill Carnival and was definitely the life and soul of any party. He will truly be missed and this is most evident if you look at his Facebook page. There are numerous messages and tributes and I hope he knew how much love his friends and family had for him.

Being as private as I am I have made the decision not to leave personal messages on Facebook. My status updates are usually light-hearted or humerous (I hope) and I have to admit that I get a little uncomfortable when some things are broadcast using a social network. I understand that as more and more of the younger generation start to use Facebook I will be in the minority; my Nieces and Nephews are proof of this as some of their status updates have made me cringe and there have been occasions when something they have written has made me furious. 

When my Nanna passed away recently, I didn't put any message to her on Facebook like much of my family did. I'm not saying that people shouldn't put messages to the bereaved on Facebook - I guess it is a way for them to let their friends know that they are hurting and to invite supportive and sympathetic messages - I'm just saying it is not for me. I know that on the anniversary of her death many of my family members will leave notices of remembrance - RIP Nanna, Mum etc - and I know that I will not. That's ok, I just feel differently. Just because my Facebook status does not say that I am feeling sad does not mean that I am not actually feeling sad.

Anybody that knows me well will know that I am a very private person and I'll only divulge personal information or talk about difficult things when I am ready. I'm not overly touchy-feely (thanks Dad) and usually only dispense hugs and kisses when I am made to and I have no other choice. There are a few exceptions to the rule: Phil, my Mum, my sisters and Mo and Dave. In fact, Phil is lucky if he can leave the room without giving me a kiss goodbye. I have a closeness with Phil that I haven't experienced before and if we are together we are usually holding hands. When I'm with Phil all of the rules get thrown out of the window. Love you Nimlet x